I shit my pants today
   I was not scared
   or anything like that
   I just needed so badly
   And I was miles away
   From the nearest public toilet

   It wasn’t pleasant,
   I tell you
   Not pleasant at all
   In fact it was
   Unpleasant as hell
   I walked the underground
   I walked the streets
   With a huge bulge
   Between my pants
   Smelling like
   Wild roses and honey

   I finally reached
   An unpublic toilet
   Half an hour too late
   I cleaned myself up a bit
   Leaving the toilet
   Smelling like a toilet
   I mean... there was shit
   I left it a disaster area
   And I smiled wickedly
   To the man
   On his way in

   I wanted to go home
   Cleaning myself up
   But something wasn’t right
   Something was still...
   So I went to a restaurant
   To eat my, oh so delayed
   I sat down in the chair
   Presented to me
   By the smiling, polite girl
   Returning the smile
   With my dazzling own
   With pants full of
   Still wet, forever slimy
   Legal? substances
   Was there a hint
   Of accusation
   Behind the polite smile?
   More than a bit of
   (And fear) for sure
   In both guests and employees

   I smiled
   The food was good
   I sat there smiling
   As the chair turned wet
   Under me
   Even the music sounded great
   I asked for another helping
   And they eagerly brought it

   I left the restaurant
   Whistling my tune
   I walked with light steps
   Through well lit streets
   I sat in the bathtub
   Soaking wet
   Enjoying the hot water
   The bubbling soap
   What a glorious end
   To a perfect day

Amos Keppler 2002



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